What The Hell Did I Do?

Looking back at it now I can clearly see I must have been plain stupid, shortsighted and ignorant to have ever believed that I could get away with betraying my husband and family like I did. Not only did I have sex with other men I allowed them to degrade me and my husband by calling me a whore and him a cuckhold and allowing them to tape these secessions. I didn't even try lying about now being aware of the cameras because I actually spoke directly into the camera calling my husband loser, wimp, cuck and other horrible names. My poor and once loving husband saw every one of those pictures and every single hour of the XXX Rated Videos showing me behaving like a whore. He shared every one of them with everyone I used to work with, my entire family who won't even speak to me now, his family all of our friends and even posted it on a Russian Website where amateur X Rated videos are uploaded so where anybody with $50.00 can watch them forever. Now, I'm a well known slut around the world and get filthy requests from every kind of a degenerate there is.

Thomas didn't even bother to file for divorce. He took all the money from out accounts and investments, my good jewelry, our CD's and cleaned out both the safe deposit box as well as the wall safe in his home office, and left me to fend for myself. The kids aren't talking to me and they've refused to visit me during their Christmas break. I still don't know where they are because they've blocked my number so I can't get in touch with them. Everyone in those pictures and videos with me were fired right along with me. My husbands attorneys filed suit against the company we all worked for and he won a high 8 figure settlement against them. I got nothing from those law suits and just lost everything that was once important to me. My husband was hurt by what I've done and I don't even know what made me do any of it. None of those guys were great lovers, certainly none as good as Thomas is. None of them gave a damn about me or my orgasms. I never ever came at all when I was fucking any of those assholes so it wasn't for the great sex. None of them were even that good looking either. Three of the 4 of them were fat slobs who smelled like body odor all the time, and the 4th guy never fully got hard enough to penetrate me and none of them would preform oral sex on me either.

I lost everything that I ever loved and wanted and still can't come to terms with the reason for doing any of it. All I know for certain is I'm all alone with no friends or family who'll support me after they found out what I did. I can't really blame any of them for how they're all avoiding me and avoiding me like the plague. If someone I knew did half of what I did to their husband and family, I'd have disowned them too. Without access to money or even a job, there's no chance that I'll ever find Thomas. I had no chance of ever seeing or hearing from my husband again. I blew up my life along with 16 other lives including innocent wives and children. My kids hate me and I know why, but they're grown. Some of the men who fucked me had children under the age of 10 and they'd suffer because of our stupidity and hubris for many years to come. I couldn't understand myself for doing what I did so how could I ever expect Thomas to ever understand. I knew he couldn't.

I never figured out just how much money and valuables Thomas left with. Hell, I really didn't care very much either. With what I did to him he deserved every dime he got away with. He always made a hell pf a lot more money than I did so I chalked it up to him deserving everything he took. All I wanted was to find him someday and properly apologize to him like I should. I knew it wouldn't matter but I had to do it anyway. Thomas wouldn't talk to me at all and I didn't even know where he was so there was no opportunity to apologize anyway. I was getting more and more depressed every day. I knew I'd never be able to recover from this but I wanted to so much. I knew it the first time I slept with the first asshole that I did and only compounded my errors again and again by letting the other 3 fuck me and then film to too. I'm such an idiot and there's nothing I can do about it now. I only hoped that Thomas would have a great life and that mine wouldn't such as much as it was sucking right now.