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As an early thirties adult? Not as much. Work, house, chores, money, the occasional marital squabble—all tended to chew at the edges of enjoyment. Yet the background radiation of summer's early life traditions lingered, the pleasures were just smaller but perhaps no less appreciated.
That late August Saturday afternoon at Eric and Dawn's place was as good as it was going to get, and my contentment, ephemeral as it was, constituted suitable summer satisfaction.
Out here in the Sierra foothills town of Grass Valley in California, Hildy, and I were stoked out on lawn furniture, our friends' slightly elevated porch overlooking a larger than usual backyard at the outskirts of town.
The lawn was still slightly green, but not without a good deal of attention and irrigation from our hosts. Both our sets of kids were off to the same summer camp for a couple weeks, so it felt like a real vacation. Even though we all had jobs during the week, the weekends felt gloriously free.
Eric and I had our beers in hand and cold wet condensation coated the sides of our spouses' wine glasses while the late afternoon heat dissipated. It was then that I heard Dawn make an utterance that I never thought could've come from her schoolteacher mouth.
"I cannot imagine what it is like to run naked with an erection."
The sentence didn't arrive out of nowhere. We had been talking about streaking, one of those events that had a fashionable few year's run in the past, specifically when we had all been students together at Nevada Union High School. There had been an "end of year" rebellion in 2010, seniors taking odd moments to run across the North Quad, sans clothes, and while the authorities took a dim view of it all, they didn't tend to come down too hard on those who got caught. Instead, sensible teachers chalked it up to senior exuberance, as everyone was planning on college next, or jobs in town, whatever the next chapter of real adulthood was to bring. In the grand scheme of transgressions, this was small potatoes.
Maybe two dozen seniors had gotten up the nerve to do it, usually at the end of the day, when they'd clear school grounds and head off, escaping capture, although not always identification. More guys than gals. It was a sight, and great amusement, but none of us had been participants, only riveted spectators.
Eric cocked an eyebrow at Dawn's abrupt statement and gave her a look I could not quite decipher. Surprise? Disbelief that his demure wife would utter such a thought in public, albeit among friends?
"You know, the thing would wag something fierce. I don't even like a quick dash braless when necessary, to tell the truth and I'm not even that big. Body parts best left restrained don't do well with that sort of violent movement." Dawn seemed entirely worked up over the idea.
I regarded this confession with some interest. The image she had brought up did a little dance in my brain, the notion of her own breasts thumping up and down in a run (my active imagination going one step further from braless to topless.) Dawn's long narrow boobs bobbing up and down, side to side. I'd never seen her without clothes, but was familiar enough with her swimwear choices at the Yuba River to have a pretty good idea of what the physics would be like, flesh and mass and gravity and all that.
Hildy shot me a suspicious look that suggested she'd developed a pretty good idea of what was going through my head.
"Remember Melody Lightfoot?" said Eric. We were quiet for a moment while we considered how she'd displayed her considerable charms to the on-lookers, each of us witnesses to her wild dash, although from different classroom vantages.
The sight of her streaking topless across North Quad, her long, swaying breasts heaving side-to-side in a most enchanting fashion, had been enough to cause half the senior men's soccer team's expressions to form into a synchronized swoon of lust-induced appreciation.
"Yeah, but she kept her drawers on, we never got to see her lower bits in motion, just those lovely upper appendages," I said.
Hildy's glare, although I knew it was only a temporary annoyance thrown in my direction, got a chuckle out of Eric.
"Those were fun times," Eric said, and we proceeded to resurrect nostalgia for our final year of NUHS.
"But a stiff penis?" Dawn couldn't let the notion die. "Up and down? Wobbling like a hotdog on a skewer over the campfire?"
She shook her head.
Eric snorted. "Not such a good image, love. But if stiff enough, maybe not so much bobbing as when at half strength. Still I'd rather see a nicely endowed naked wench running though. Mammaries up! Mammaries down! Side to side, jiggle all around!"
Dawn gave him a distinctly hostile glare and Eric dodged a hastily thrown elbow at his ribs.
Dawn was handsome enough, once slender and lithe, but having passed her twenties and the nursing of two babies, meant her body had filled out, in a thoroughly good way, more meat on her legs and, naturally, chest. Eric was tall, blond, and broad, hair thinning, still played tennis. They made for a better-than-average looking couple.
Hildy and I? We were the brunt of many a joke around town. Hildy was a broad shouldered, wide hipped Amazon type, three inches taller than my small stature and thirty pounds heavier. But love doesn't give a twit about appearances and we always managed to laugh along with everyone else.
It was then that Hildy made her surprise observation.
"You know what? I can't get this thought out of my head. Make it an Olympic sport!"
"Streaking?" Eric laughed and added, "I'd be up for that. Track and field or one of the glamour events? How you gonna score it? Like in gymnastics with judges? Or by pure speed?"
I laughed too, and sent a sideways glance to Hildy. My wife with her sturdy Northern European heritage frame would never fare well in a sprint. Those wide meaty thighs, while obviously strong, would never make for speed. But that heavy chest of hers would do just fine on aesthetic criteria. My mouth watered despite myself. I'd never seen her run naked, not even very often in other circumstances, maybe just a dash from the car to our front door during a downpour.
We decided any such competition would require both quantitative and qualitative scoring,
So we talked. More unusual than most of our conversations. Eric and Dawn were good friends, but our work-lives after college had been of the steady variety, verging on boring. Dawn couldn't get the erect penis image out of her head, however, to the great amusement of the rest of us. She insisted this element would be an essential aspect of any male streaking she would care to watch.
"Don't know how you guys could possibly do it. Would be unimaginably uncomfortable. Although for anyone in charge of the erection producing team beforehand? Well, they'd would likely enjoy their work." This remark was accompanied by an unusually wanton expression from a normally shy person. How many glasses of wine had she consumed?
I think it was Eric who suggested we do some immediate empirical testing. Males and females. This upended the whole discussion.
He pointed to their backyard. "Thirty yards out, Thirty yards back, do it twice, we'd have a show that would beat any Olympic event for pure unadulterated kicks."
I reminded him that none of us, none, had the faintest resemblance to any Olympic body type, of any sort, in any sport. Hildy and women's shot-put would maybe be the closest fit. Fifteen years ago Eric might have passed as a tennis player, and me as a wrestler in the 140 pound weight class. But now? Forget it.
But the idea had done its seepage business. We were quiet for a moment, each set of eyes going to their neighbor's body, doing the "what would they look like in a naked race?" business.
I couldn't believe that I was the one to second the motion.
"Well, why not? Just for kicks? Right now even, the afternoon is cooling off, we could just chuck the clothes..."
"Get some bets going? A friendly competition?" Eric's gambling instincts kicked in.
Dawn and Hildy exchanged glances.
"And on what basis, exactly, are we going to bet?" Dawn was quick to ask. At least she hadn't rejected the whole idea.
This provoked another overextended discussion, involving dissection of gymnastic and high-diving scoring metrics, judges implicit biases and subjective inconsistencies, although everyone agreed that timed sprints would be simple enough to handle. I am not a betting type, and my head was spun round and round with the scoring criteria proposed, the pros and cons of various voting mechanisms, the mathematics and statistics involved all were beyond my meager capacity to grasp.
I cannot even begin do justice to the debate, which went on for half an hour. My mind glazes over when we got to ranked voting and Bayesian probabilities, but the others all pursued their particular points with exasperating devotion. I just wanted to see some naked bodies galloping away that afternoon, out in the open.
"And like, who, for example, is going to vote against their spouse?" said Dawn, a bit indignant.
Eric and I looked at each other. She was of course right. How on earth could we keep this part of the deal fair? And this proved to be the major sticking point in the whole polemic.
"Okay," said Eric, looking more satisfied with himself than I thought warranted. "Fairness is definitely achievable, but not with just the pair of us. We need another couple."
"And how is that going to help?" Dawn looked distinctly peeved.
"It changes the dynamic. Spreads out the odds. We could do ranked voting, secret ballots, one could still vote for your spouse as number one but the rest would all sort itself out with a bigger pool. We'd end up with a fair winner, and would besides have another pair of bodies to ogle."
My head spun with the next round of discussion, but of course our ship came to rest on the big rock in the river. Just who would be our third couple?
We tossed around some names. Always there was some objection. Danny's wife, although she would be absolutely enchanting as a naked runner, would think the whole thing was unspeakably perverted. Rod and Sherri would be too stuck-up to participate. There was no way Jackie Farner would run without clothes even if we gave her a million dollars. Nobody ended up suitable.
Of course we also had to consider the prize for the winner. A Gold medal? Dinner out? A six pack of good beer for the guy winner or a bottle of expensive wine for the wife?
All this was way too ordinary said Eric. "Bets of that variety happen in my office all the time."
Eric worked in the California State Auditor's office in Sacramento, where you couldn't find a more stats and analysis (if strait-laced) group if you tried.
"I think," he spoke carefully, "we are all likely going to be seriously worked up if we pull off this little endeavor."
Knowing glances were visible.
"'Up' being the operative word," I offered, generating a smirk from Hildy.
"And the best, truest, award ought to be a public orgasm for the winner," finished Eric.
We were silent.
We had all talked sex before, as old friends and stable neighborhood couples, although never thoroughly and mostly just speculatively or generally. Gossip about others came up frequently among us, comments about who in town was attractive, all in good fun. But our own sexual lives? Not very much, and never in specific terms. What Eric was suggesting raised the bar not just a few inches, but an order of magnitude.
"I can only imagine this public orgasm if the event is to be handled by the spouse."
This was Dawn, deliberate with her words, although the wine was talking, maybe enhanced by our summery, relaxed surroundings.
Everyone nodded. We weren't going any further than that. Even this proposal was such a far reach that you could see everyone's gears turning. A public orgasm, on top of an exhibitionist naked streak. It promised to be an exciting occasion, if we could pull it off. And since the kids would only be away for another week, it had to be next Saturday or not at all.
"And of course, this aspect of the challenge is going to complicate, even further, the notion of recruiting another couple," Eric said.
By this time the sun was down and the urgent Sierra foothill mosquitoes were at work and we had to bail out and retreat inside for dinner. Eric announced he would come up with a scoring rubric that would both be suitable and that we could all agree on, and the rest of us promised to brainstorm potential participants, cautiously ask around at work or other social circles, to see if we could generate a quorum.
It took Eric just a couple days to come up with a decent scoring theme, which he shared with us on Tuesday night. It followed the gymnastic pattern, the old one anyway, with a ten point scale, with ten as the top score but with three criteria categories.
How arousing was the running?
How much movement was generated?
Overall gracefulness.
We had a minor back and forth over this, but it ended up being fine with everyone. Thirty points would be the maximum score a "judge" could award. The timed sprint would be thirty points for first, twenty for second, ten for third. So maximum score from any one judge would be sixty, or times five scorecards, a total of three hundred points.
"Alright, said Dawn. But there's going to be some differences and natural advantages. Some of us have more sway flesh than others." She gave Hildy a meaningful look.
So then we had a discussion about body types, and how when it came to attraction or beauty or whatever you wanted to call it, what really mattered were inner dynamics. Confidence and presentation. Sure Kim Kardasian would be able to generate some serious movement, but wouldn't some lithesome creature like Taylor Swift going to come out with a high arousal index?
We each considered the particular examples offered. My mouth watered.
Dawn pointed out that none of us (she meant the females, obviously) were in the same camp as the mentioned celebrities, but Hildy and I made the point stand.
Dawn had done theater in high school, she knew about the value of presentation, projection, subtlety and all that.
We were just stuck on a third pair.
****
All of us had spent a frustrating couple days combing through our work and other social networks, searching for a possible third. But it's a little different to ask someone if they are up for running around naked in a backyard than say, going on a kayak trip some weekend or a picnic at the river.
I thought I had a firm nibble when I talked to Dean at work. I most cautiously outlined the scenario.
"You say what? A nude running event? A competition?"
Once he got over the initial shock, he was game.
"Hmm. Something different," Dean said. "Katie would look super. She's got an ass you would die for," he confided, as if I had never noticed this particular bit of her anatomy before.
But it fell through. Katie wasn't game, and it appeared that Dean had received some heat for even raising the proposal.
Right. If word got around enough, we were going to get labeled the neighborhood perverts.
Finally Eric got lucky. He called up Wednesday night.
"Got a pair for us." He sounded a bit cautious.
"Who?"
"Duane and Vivian. I know him from the Sacramento federal courthouse, works for a high-powered legal team. Vivian is one handsome woman, I have to say."
"Excellent. What are they like?"
A note of hesitation entered Eric's voice.
"Well, they're sorta competitive."
"Okay, that's fine."
"The 'public orgasm' part was what reeled them in," he said. "But, they're like serious competitive. They're going to want to win. And they are in super condition."
That was fine with me. Shapely naked bodies running I had no trouble with, and winning wasn't in my game-head anyway.
"Yeah, but Duane's not always a good sport. Can be kinda an asshole sometimes." Eric's ambiguity was evident, but we hadn't developed any other alternatives.
****
"So, are you going to practice?"
This question both came out of the blue and took me by surprise. Just as Hildy and I were sitting down to dinner Thursday night.
"Practice what?"
"Running with an erection. You might want to find out what it's like before Saturday." I did not like the daring gleam in her eye.
"A practice run with an erection? I don't think so."
Alright I was peeved. Hildy could certainly be annoying sometimes, always worse when her poking was deliberate.
"No," I repeated.
We stared at each other.
"Unless you do too," I finally added. The thought of seeing her in a naked run was enough to overcome my stubborn resistance.
Her grin was lopsided. It appeared that she had the mirror thought.
So we did. After dinner, in slanted early evening light. Our backyard is not as large as Dawn and Eric's but we could manage fifteen or twenty yards from one side to the other. Hopefully none of our neighbors would see.
We had great fun removing each other's clothes and I was able to insist that Hildy go first.
Oh lord, was that a nice sight. Big heavy hips wobbling, breasts swaying delectably from side to side. I was able to suggest some aesthetic alterations to her movements, trying to get her to adopt the gait the high-jumpers do in the Olympics, sort of an up and down prancing on toes before performing their ridiculous leap-flop, and the results were splendid. Hildy wasn't even going to try to work on speed, she'd be last anyway, unless one of the others did a face-plant and fell. So just good visuals was the goal.
She was out of breath after a few tries, but the results were optimal, to my thinking anyway. Spectacular heaving breasts and thundering thighs in the early evening air.
"Okay. Now you."
We both looked down at a dangling dick.
"Not going to get hard on its own," was my bright observation.
"Oh, alright," came Hildy's mocking voice, and she took a few minutes to fondle me into a suitably stiff condition.
I was not prepared for the sheer uncomfortablity of it all, if that is actually a word.
It hurt. Felt like my cock-head weighed ten pounds, and it went up and down most unpleasantly on my first pass. Hildy insisted on a repeat but I was not anxious to do so, and refused. I'd just have to endure my discomfort during Saturday's event.
But her eyes shown, pleasure written all over her face.
"You know, I hadn't been sure at first about this little adventure. But the more I think about it, and seeing some of it in action..." she pointed to my penis, "the more it has some appeal."
This had been an excited enough exchange that we copulated that night after showers, higher enthusiasm on both our parts than usual.
****
Saturday arrived clear and bright, as it did every August day in this part of the world.
Eric was prepared at our noontime rendezvous time, had light snacks laid out. We'd all get to know each other a little before conducting our early afternoon exhibition.
Saying we were all a little nervous is a vast understatement. Hildy worried about everything. Being naked in front of others. Her fat thighs. Her soft chest. How much better everyone else would look. That she hadn't had to sprint for anything since the last PE class in high school.