Pick-Up Lines

I was having trouble getting bold enough to meet new women as my divorce from my wife Betsy was proceeding after just 18 months of marriage. My confidence was in the toilet because she cheated on me, and her attempt to reconcile seemed hollow -- although even if it had seemed sincere I wouldn't have agreed.

I was particularly pissed that Betsy's affair was with her married boss -- an asshole named Charles Worthington. Unfortunately Betsy and I worked for the same large company and Charles was a big wig there and I liked and wanted to keep my job (although I did petition for and got a transfer from the city headquarters to a suburban satellite office so that I didn't have to see them again at work). Beating the shit out of him was definitely physically possible, but very unwise since I would have been fired and probably jailed. I would have blown the whistle on Charles with his wife but I believed in the old adage that "If you come at the king, you best not miss," and I didn't have enough self-confidence to chance a miss.

To try and gain some self-confidence I used AI to try and find some good pickup lines -- hell, if AI can be used for medical research it couldn't hurt to check it out lines, could it? Using every AI program I could think of I got a bunch of pick-up lines; they all seemed cheesy to me, but I wasn't creative enough to think of any on my own so I memorized them.

I tried a few out in social situations, all of which got me funny, laughing, or disgusted looks, and none of which worked. I was kind of down when at a bar one Friday night I met one of my best friends -- Bill Benson -- who was a real ass man and I got enough guts to commiserate with him. After explaining my problem, and displaying my lack of confidence, Bill gave some heartfelt advice.

"Most of your pick-up lines are bad, but even if you had good ones Zack, unless you deliver them with self-confidence they won't work. I realize that your divorce from Betsy for her cheating was a blow to your self-confidence but you need to get your self-confidence back, and there's no reason why you can't. Your good-looking, in good shape, have a good job, are smart, and have empathy. To get you to believe that, I have a few suggestions for what you can do to start to build your self-confidence back up."

Then Bill gave me two suggestions; one [Plan A] I thought was good, and the other one [Plan B] -- if I could find an appropriate situation -- was brilliant.

Bill and I talked, and drank some more, noticing that the bar was filling up with patrons -- surprisingly mostly women. Once things were hopping Bill took a good look around on a sojourn to the bathroom, and came back smiling.

"I have to run, Zack, but I think you have the perfect set up for Plan B. There are some decent looking early twenties chicks to the right of the entrance that you can fake interest in, but there are two really hot chicks about your age," which was 28 at the time, "talking with an MILF at the table in the left corner. I'd try Plan B on them right now."

I had had enough to drink, and Bill had buoyed my spirits enough, so that I agreed. We smiled broadly as we hugged goodbye.

*************

Bill was right -- there were two late twenties lookers and an even hotter late thirties-looking woman at the table in the left corner. I sucked in a deep breath and then approached them.

"Sorry to interrupt but I'm Zack Smith and I've been out of the dating game for a while and I wonder if I could prevail on you three for some help?"

It was a good start since all three smiled; and then the older one asked "How?"

"Well I'd gladly buy each of you a drink if I could practice some pick-up lines on you and you could critique them. There's a single woman near the entrance who looks intriguing and I'd like to talk to her but I have no idea if I say that wrong thing if I'll blow it," I replied with the most sincere look I could manage.

"You are serious?" the older woman chuckled.

"I swear that I am -- if you help I'll buy each of you two drinks," I pleaded.

"A drink and two orders of fried zucchini," one of the younger ones replied after getting head nods from the other two.

"Great, what are you drinking?" I asked them. They told me, I cornered a waitress and gave her our orders -- and a $20 pre-tip -- and rushed back.

When I got back to the table all three women were smiling. It is only then that I recognized wedding and engagement rings on all of their left hands -- but I was already committed and this would be a great first run of Plan B, so it didn't faze me.

I introduced myself again, telling them that I was 28 and local, and they gave me their first names -- Lucinda and Grace were the twenties-something and Alicia was the older woman and the aunt of both Lucinda and Grace who were the children of her older brother. We chatted for a few minutes then our waitress, obviously inspired by the $20 pre-tip, quickly brought our order and as the three women attacked the zucchini sticks I started out.

"OK, I have more than a dozen lines I want to try; let me go through them once, and then slower a second time and you rate them on a scale of one to five. Is that OK?"

"Sure," Alicia chuckled, obviously enjoying this and since Lucinda and Grace were also smiling I was off to a good start.

From memory I went through my list of AI-vetted pickup lines. The first few I knew were awful, but that was part of the plan.

""I'm looking for treasure - can I look around your chest?"

"Do you want to go and do what I'm going to tell my friends we did anyway?"

After the first two all three groaned and Alicia laughed "Boy, you really do need help. Are you trying to pick a woman up or get a drink thrown in your face?"

"That bad, huh?" I replied trying to look as sheepish as possible, and probably blushing. "I'm sorry, a friend of mine told me those, and I was wondering myself if they were awful, but as I said I've really been out of the game. Let me try some better ones; just ignore those two."

"If you were a cocktail, you'd be a fineapple mojito;"

"Can I buy you a drink, or should I just keep standing here trying to be cool?"

"Is it happy hour, or are you just naturally this smile-inducing?

"I'm visiting the area, what are some must-see places?"

"What's the highlight of your week so far? Mine was seeing you."

"That's an interesting drink you have, what is it? I'm trying to decide what to get next."

I went through a few more, sixteen in total; all three women were smiling, or in response to some of them giving a "gag" sign.

When I finished I said "I can see that you were really impressed," which got a good chuckle out of them.

Then in humorous manner I continued "All right the three of you sure polished off those zucchini sticks so I'm going to hold you to rating my lines, so be honest -- but not too honest so as to destroy what little self-confidence that I have."

Then one-at-a-time we humorously went over the fourteen pick-up lines after the first two (the first two got a minus 5; some of the others got zeros). The only one that got more than a 2 was "That's an interesting drink..."

I pretended to be deflated when I finished. Then they took turns offering me advice -- not pick-up lines, but generic advice. What they especially emphasized was that a bar pickup was the worst way to meet a woman that I would be interested in.

Our discussions got lively after that. They offered advice about activities such as pickleball, tennis, health clubs, singing groups, community theater, all sorts of things that it seemed like at least one of the three of them was interested in. We also talked about other things, and we each told an awful bawdy joke. I offered them another round of drinks but only Alicia took me up on it. After I had been there for a little more than an hour -- the best time I had had since I caught Betsy cheating -- Lucinda and Grace had to go and left. They both gave me hugs and wished me luck. Alicia said that she could stay another few minutes "If I didn't mind being with an old lady."

I looked at her cross-eyed when she said that, then without thinking I replied "You're the hottest woman in this place -- if you were single and five years younger than your 35 I'd kill to get a date with you." She really perked up when I said that and then I acted chagrined and hopefully blushed as I stuttered "Uh...shit...uh...did I really...shit...say that out loud?"

Alicia laughed and said "Yes, it seems you have problems with both your eye sight and your brain-to-mouth connection."

"Can we talk about football, or theater, and pretend that I didn't make an ass out of myself tonight?" I continued.

"Sure, until I finish this last Cosmo that you bought for me, then I have to leave."

We talked for another ten minutes -- I think that my compliment had really positively affected her since she was even more cheery than before -- and then she looked at her watch and said "I've got to go."

"Are you parked nearby?" I asked.

"On the street, about a block and a half away," she replied.

"You've been so kind -- let me walk you to your car," I said. I noticed a slight hesitation on her part so with a big smile I said "I guarantee you that I'm not an axe murderer. Take a photo of me holding my driver's license and send it to a friend of yours so that if I'm a liar at least your death will be avenged."

She laughed, I pulled out my license and held it next to my face, and she did take a photo with her phone and obviously texted it to a friend. I did notice that she got wide-eyed when she saw my license -- but her reaction quickly passed. Then she said "Alright Prince Charming, let's go," and took my arm.

I had only seen Alicia seated before; now that she was standing I realized that I wasn't blowing smoke when I said that she was the best-looking woman in the joint. She was probably five feet ten inches tall, with an athletic body and sculptured long legs even for someone her height. With her three inch heels on I was only an inch or two taller than she was.

We chatted about nothing as we walked to her car; it was a really nice Mercedes, but there was something obviously wrong since the front end looked tilted. When we got near the curb the reason was clear -- the front right tire was flat.

"Oh no," she groaned. "I really need to get home in a half hour and it's a twenty minute drive." She had gotten out her phone and was about to use it when I interrupted "You don't need to call anyone, I've changed lots of tires in my life -- I worked at a garage before my senior year in High School; it's no problem."

"Are you sure?" she inquired.

"Absolutely," I responded taking off my sport coat and tie and handing them to her while she pushed her key fob to open the trunk of her Mercedes. I wasn't lying about working in a garage, and I had the tire changed in twelve minutes flat. It was easy labor since she kept up a running conversation with me as I worked, and from my vantage point I got a good look at her perfectly muscled thighs.

When I finished she was obviously pleased. "How can I thank you?" she asked.

"Play me in pickleball this Sunday or next Saturday and if I beat you buy me lunch," I grinned.

"You're on," she said. I gave her my personal card with just my name and cellphone on it and said "Please call me for details."

"I will," she said, and then hugged me goodbye.

I wasn't expecting her hug.

I wasn't expecting her to tightly push her chest into mine.

I wasn't expecting for her tits to feel much more prodigious than they looked in her blouse.

I wasn't expecting her to kiss my cheek.

I wasn't expecting to immediately sprout a boner.

However, all of these unexpected things happened. I just hoped that she didn't feel my hard-on, but given the subtle smile on her face as she smoothly swung her perfect ass into the driver's seat when I opened the driver's door for her, she probably did.

"Oh well, it couldn't be helped," I sighed to myself. As I waved goodbye even given my cock's reaction I wondered why I asked to play pickleball with her; she was married and though I gave her the "35 years old" compliment I believed that especially since she was Grace's and Lucinda's aunt she was probably closer to 40.

*************

Alicia called me on Sunday morning to tell me she couldn't play pickleball then. We arranged for a tentative meet the next Saturday at 10 a. m., with her to call again for details. I didn't remember her voice being that sexy, and was pissed that when we mutually terminated the call my cock was at half-mast. We talked on the phone twice more before we met the next Saturday at her country club.

Her country club had both tennis and pickleball courts. Just before we walked onto the court -- her in a very distracting though high class short tennis dress, and tight top -- one of the employees said "You have the court until 11:30 Mrs. Worthington."

"Thank you April," she replied with a smile, then turned to me and said "Get ready to get your butt beat!"

Through the entire warmup the only thing going through my mind was "Mrs. Worthington? Could it be fucking Charles' Worthington's wife? If so, how could he be such a moron as to cheat on her -- while Betsy is really cute this woman is sex-on-wheels!"

We had agreed to best of five games to determine the winner, each game up to 15. When Alicia smoked me in the first game 15-5 I finally got my head out of my ass and resolved not to think about who she was again until the match was over -- and I'd figure out how to proceed then.

During a short break after the first game I smiled as I announced "You know that you're cheating, Alicia?"

"How's that Zack?"

"Whenever you bend over to pick up the ball you wiggle your ass, causing me to lose concentration."

"Then don't look, Zack," she chuckled.

Alicia was more skilled than I was, but I had more power and was slightly quicker, so -- thankfully -- I beat her three games to two, the final game going into "overtime" and finishing with me winning 18-16. Alicia was a good loser, and as we wiped off with towels and started walking toward the outdoor patio of the club casual restaurant she sniped "I had to let you win to sooth your fragile male ego, and since you couldn't afford lunch here anyway."

"Brat," I replied as I swatted her ass with my paddle. I was chagrined immediately after I did so, but fortunately she just laughed.

When we sat down for lunch after some small talk and placing our order she got serious. "Did you know that I was the wife of your wife's boss when you approached my nieces and me at the bar?"

I figured that she had checked me out, but I asked anyway. "How did you know that my EX-wife works for your husband?"

She seemed to be surprised by the "EX."

"I didn't believe that your real surname was Smith when you introduced yourself, but when you had me take a photo of you with your license I immediately wondered if you were related to Betsy Smith, so I checked you out -- not with a P I, or anything, just from what I could find on the Internet. Somehow I missed the 'EX' part."

"That's only because the divorce isn't final yet -- it should be within about two months, and we've been separated for more than three months. To answer your question, however, I didn't suspect that I had any connection with you at the bar -- the first I suspected it was when the court scheduler called you 'Mrs. Worthington.' When you called me my phone's screen only displayed 'Alicia,' and your phone number, not your last name. That's why I was so out of it during the first game -- I was having a hard time coming to grips with it, especially since I wondered how much to tell you if you were Charles Worthington's wife."

"How much to tell me about what, Zack?"

"About why I'm getting divorced, Alicia."

We stared at each other for a good 30 seconds before I broke. "I didn't want to call you up out of the blue and tell you that your husband is having an affair with my wife, especially since I work for the same company and like my job and your husband is a big wig and I didn't know if exposing him to you would have adverse repercussions. However, I really like you Alicia so now I'm putting myself out there and letting you know."

Before she could respond our orders were delivered. It was clear from her reaction that she was surprised -- though not gobsmacked. After a few tentative bites of her sandwich she groaned "I was suspicious that he was having an affair, but somehow convinced myself that he wasn't. I'm sorry that it was with your wife, which I'm sure you have good reason to believe; but I need evidence because I'm not putting up with it and will be going to court charging him with adultery."

"It would really help me if you could keep me out of it; I'll give you all of the information that I have but you need to just use it as a starting point and get a professional to get the court-admissible evidence that you need."

Alicia agreed to that, and then fortunately two of her female friends came to our table, with drinks in their hands, and asked to join us. Being the friendly woman that she is, Alicia agreed. We had a very nice forty minute conversation with them (obviously without talking about cheating), and then we parted. Alicia walked me to my car.

"When can I get the information from you, Zack?"

"Can you come over to my apartment tomorrow? I only live a couple of miles from here. Almost any time is convenient."

"How about noon, I'll bring sandwiches," she asked/said.

"Sounds perfect," I smiled. I wrote down my address on a slip of paper from my glove compartment and gave it to her. When she hugged me goodbye she whispered into my ear "I apologize for my husband."

"No apology from you necessary," I whispered back as I tried with all of my might not to get a hard-on, and fortunately succeeded until she broke contact. As I tried to suppress my boner in the car on my drive back to my apartment I groaned out loud "Get your mind out of the gutter, Smith, she's hurting just like you are."

*************

I made sure to completely clean my apartment before Alicia came over on Sunday. She had a sundress on, and her hair was loose on her shoulders. I couldn't help myself but when she came in I beamed "I love your dress and hair, Alicia."

"Thank you, Zack," she smiled and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. We had a nice time discussing all sorts of things as we ate the tasty lunch she had brought over, and once lunch was cleaned up she said "OK, let me know what you have."

I gave all of the information that I had to Alicia. I had some information about dates and places, but didn't have any smoking gun, such as a video or photo of them "in flagrante delicto" but I did have some good starting points. Also I played for her a recording I made on my iPhone where Betsy was trying to get me to agree to stay together and she said things like "I'll give Charles up -- I'll even get a new job."

I concluded my presentation by saying "Of course, I'm not sure that they're still having an affair, but I would be very surprised if they're not."

"Do you have Betsy's address?" Alicia inquired.

"It's the apartment we used to share -- I'll write it down for you."

After concluding our business -- and after I gave Alicia, who looked sad, some hand squeezes and quick hugs -- she asked "What's on your agenda for today?"

"I'm going to watch an NFL game on TV, and then later I'm meeting some buddies for dinner and drinks."

"Do you mind if I watch the first half of the game with you? I like football."

"I'd love it -- I'll even give you something else to drink and make popcorn if you like."

"Just a soft drink, I'm still full from lunch," she smiled.

We turned the game on only about ten minutes after kickoff, and sat next to each other on my couch watching and kibitzing. "Do you mind if I take my shoes off?" she asked, "I wore high heels last night and my little toes are still hurting."

"No problem," I smiled, but when she did I got a disgusted look on my face and while holding my nose asked "What's that stink?"

"Bastard," she laughed as she punched me in the arm, and I smirked.

She started rubbing her toes on her left foot; after about a minute I grabbed her foot from her and started rubbing it myself.

"What are you doing pervert?" she mock complained.

"You're not massaging your foot correctly and I'm a perfectionist," I snickered, "let a professional do it." Actually, one of the few things in life I'm really good at is giving foot rubs; that may be the only reason that Betsy made noise about staying together. At one time I studied reflexology.

Within a minute I had Alicia moaning in pleasure; by the time that I switched from he left foot to her right one her eyes were closed and she was virtually purring. After about five minutes of me working on her right foot I think she got embarrassed by the sounds of pleasure she was making, and said "Thanks Zack, that felt really good," then pulled her feet away and put her shoes back on. After that we just talked about the game and football in general.

At half time she got up to leave, taking the few documents I had given her with her. At the door she seemed choked up as she thanked me, then gave me a quick kiss -- on the lips this time. She didn't turn around as I watched her bubble butt and sleek legs disappear into the stairwell at the end of the hall in my apartment building.

After I closed the door it was all that I could do not to masturbate, calling myself an asshole for even thinking about it, and for having pitched a tent at my crotch.

*************

Two weeks after I last saw Alicia, on a Saturday morning after I had just gotten up my cellphone buzzed; the name "Alicia" (still no last name) appeared on my screen.

I answered the phone "Hi Alicia, what's up."

She sobbed into the phone "I confirmed that they're still having an affair; I feel so lost right now; I need someone to talk to and it can't be any of my friends or relatives because I don't want anyone else to know yet. Can you please come over and talk to me for a while -- I'm very sad."

"Where are you, Alicia?"

"At my house -- Charles is gone and won't be back until evening."

"Give me your address," I continued. She gave it to me; I recognized the area, and promised "I'll be there within twenty minutes." I made it in nineteen, and she cried into my shoulder as soon as she opened the door."

I was the most empathetic and compassionate that I had ever been in my life when I consoled Alicia over the next hour or so. I primarily held her hands and let her talk, answering any questions that she had as honestly and pleasantly as I could. After that she wanted to show me the evidence she had. After briefly reviewing it and easily determining that she had good evidence for court I told her "That's all I want to see, Alicia. You have a slam dunk for adultery; seeing images that are too graphic will start me grieving all over again." She understood.

After she got everything off of her chest, wiped the tears from her eyes and said "Thank you, Zack; I feel much better just getting things off my chest," I pulled her off the sofa and said "Now I'm taking you to brunch -- no argument."

"OK," she grinned.

We had a great brunch discussing only happy subjects. When I brought her back to her house I again held her hands and said "I know just what to do to give you a perfect reprieve from your sadness. We're going line dancing tonight at the C&W Barn," the latter being a country and western dance club at the north edge of the city. "I'm bad at line dancing, but that's not the point; it's about the most fun you can have with your clothes on."

"I'm supposed to go to a dinner with Charles tonight," she gloomily replied.

"You mean the Charles that's been cheating on you for months -- that asshole -- and you actually could stand to be with him now? Cancel on the bastard," I snarled.

After a pregnant pause Alicia squeaked "OK."

"Get out your most cowboy looking things in your wardrobe, and even boots if you have them, and I'll pick you up at 6:00 p. m. for a casual dinner, and then to line dancing we go.

**********

When I picked Alicia up I couldn't believe it; she actually had a cowgirl-looking skirt, a western blouse, a cowgirl hat, and cowgirl boots. "You look great," I grinned; "did you use to be a cowgirl?"

"No, but there's a second hand Western themed story on Madison and Popular, and I picked these up there this afternoon."

"You'll be the hottest cowgirl there," I chuckled, as she blushed.

To make a long story short it was one of the ten most fun nights I had in my life where I didn't anticipate getting laid afterward. I actually saw some friends of mine there, and she saw some of hers too. It wasn't awkward with any of them.

Not surprisingly Alicia was a great dancer, and picked up line dancing almost instantly. In fact she won a neophyte dance competition, and then came in second in an open competition. She treated the gag gifts that she got like Olympic gold medals.

As we were leaving the C&W Barn just before midnight, still perspiring, she clutched my arm and said "Zack, I don't want to go home tonight; let me sleep on your couch; but don't get any ideas, just the couch," she started out serious, and then morphed into a wicked grin.

"No problem," I chuckled.

When we got to my apartment she immediately said "I've got to get these boots off; they're a half size too small, and after all that activity my little digits are aching."

"You're just angling for another foot rub you pretender," I laughed. "You are soooo obvious."

"No, it's true," she giggled smacking her shoulder into me. "You can be mean and not give me a foot rub, but your conscience will ultimately bother you."

She plopped down on the couch, held her legs straight out entreating me to pull off her boots, and this time her feet were smelly; she was the one that said "PU," and held her nose.

I laughed, got two washrags one with light soap, the other with hot water, and washed her feet off, Then I had her lay down on the couch and put her feet on my lap.

After fifteen minutes of groans interspersed with "That feels so good," she started purring as I changed from working her feet with reflexology to light massage. After about ten minutes of purring she started snoring.

I chuckled to myself as I stood up without waking her and went into my bedroom to get a blanket. I finally admitted to myself that I wanted to fuck her more than anything else in life -- except, perhaps, that Betsy never cheated on me -- and perv that I am lifted up her skirt to view her prominent camel toe between her exquisite thighs. I grumbled to myself "Someday, but not when she's hurting and vulnerable," then put the blanket over her, kissed her on the forehead, and went to take a shower. I didn't even chastise myself when I beat my meat in the shower thinking of Alicia and came with the power of a howitzer."

The next morning I woke up to the sound of the shower running. I got dressed and fortunately didn't have an urgent urge to pee since I had only one bathroom, and started making breakfast, noticing Alicia's clothes strewn out on the couch. A few minutes later the water stopped and Alicia came out of the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around her. I had a powerful compulsion to rip the towel off of her, throw her on my bed, and fulfill my now-admitted fantasy of fucking her but remained a gentleman (although my delinquent cock didn't).

"Can you please give me some of your old clothes to wear Zack; maybe just a long T-shirt so that I can ride in the car back home without flashing anyone or feeling my clammy clothes next to my skin."

"OK," I laughed, "but I have to do some business in the bathroom; you can change in my bedroom."

We walked into my bedroom, I made a concerted effort not to look at her, and gave her my largest T-shirt and then went into the bathroom. When I came out, with my teeth brushed and my hair combed, she was finishing up what I had started making breakfast. My T-shirt went down to mid-thigh on her, and she seemed quite happy with it.

We had a pleasant chat at breakfast, often reliving the fun of the previous evening, and I got a blushing "thank you" from Alicia for the foot rub and an apology for falling asleep on me. I gave her a pair of Betsy's flip flops -- they somehow got included with the stuff that I brought to my new apartment -- I gave her a cloth shopping bag for her boots and cowgirl outfit, and drove her home.

When I stopped in her driveway she got serious. "Zack -- I have a serious question. Can I ask it without embarrassing you, or you holding it against me?"

"I will try my hardest," I smiled.

"Do you want to make love to me as much as I want to make love to you?" she asked without making eye contact.

I lifted her chin up so that we stared into each other's eyes "Probably more; it's the number one goal in my life right now."

"Uh...then...when can it happen?" she continued in a voice so soft I almost couldn't hear it."

"The day after you file the divorce papers," I replied.

Alicia threw herself at me and gave me the most passionate kiss I have ever received in my life, one lasting a good two minutes. When she broke it off she had a smile, but also two tears in her left cobalt-blue eye, and gushed "I'll be in touch." Then she opened the car door, and sprinted to her mini-mansion; at least she sprinted to the extent that one can sprint when wearing flip flops.

As I put the car in gear I felt a tingling in my crotch. Not surprising I had pitched a crotch tent. "Patience my little one-eyed friend, patience," I chuckled as I took off.

**************

I received a call from Alicia the next Wednesday night. Before I could even say "Hello" she cooed "Papers filed and served today. Professional movers are coming Friday to move most of my stuff into storage. I need a place to stay for a week starting Saturday and some help brining the remainder of my stuff there. Do you have any ideas?"

"I hear that the proprietor of Apartment 402 in the Carleton Apartment Complex on Jefferson Drive is looking for a roommate -- no charge, just companionship," I gushed into the phone.

"Do you think you could prevail on that nice gentlemen to pick me and no more than a carful of possessions up Saturday morning -- say around ten o'clock?"

"I can guarantee it," I laughed.

"Sweet dreams," was the last thing that Alicia said before she terminated the call.

I looked at my crotch and said "Cock, don't you get tired of expanding every time I talk to that woman? Be patient just a few more days."

*************

Saturday finally came; I had had my apartment professionally cleaned and sanitized on Friday and made sure that all appliances were in tip-top shape. I got to Alicia's now "former" home at 9:45 -- I wasn't too anxious. I kissed the smiling beauty when she exited with another of her stylish and perky sundresses on, sandals on her feet, and a sapphire choker on her neck; no wedding or engagement rings, just a solitary sapphire ring on her right hand.

We quickly loaded up the car, drove to my apartment, and with two trips up the freight elevator had everything she needed for the week in my apartment moved in. By then we had a light sheen of sweat on our bodies. As Alicia nuzzled up to me she smiled "How about a shower together before we determine our compatibility?"

"Sounds like a plan," I smiled back.

Neither of us had many clothes on, and in my building they have a circulator so the hot/warm water comes out very quickly, so we were in the shower in less than two minutes inspecting each other between kisses and gropes.

Before the shower I thought that Alicia was one of the ten most stunning women I had seen in my life; during the shower I quickly determined that she was unequivocally number one. I already knew that her legs and ass were spectacular, but completely unencumbered by clothing they were not just spectacular but beyond preeminent! Her hips and waist were just as wonderful; her tits were in a different category. For my tastes they couldn't be better; turgid C+ cup tear-drops with prominent distended nipples. Her pussy also looked fantastic, but I would be getting a much better look at that later.

In Alicia's case she seemed to be fascinated by my foreskin and low-hanging line-sized balls. She played with my foreskin or a testicle with one hand during most of the shower.

We were sparkling clean when we finished and dried off. Up until that time Alicia had been light and flirty. A serious veil descended upon her face and as she gave me a quick kiss she said "Please make love to me Zack; I desperately need to join life-forces with you."

I would have thought that was a little overly dramatic except at that time there was little blood in my brain; most was in my rigid cock.

I carried Alicia into my bedroom -- she seemed to like being manhandled; at five feet ten inches tall and 145 pounds she probably wasn't used to that. When she was on her back I enthusiastically -- although tempered by caution so as not to hurt her or turn her off since I didn't know how aggressive she wanted me to be -- went after her honey pot. It felt wonderful, it has a pleasant taste, and her clit was almost as big as a small dick. It wasn't too long before she let out a series of short squeals and her crotch area spasmed. Then she almost went limp, but was with enough to said "Please penetrate me with your phallus Zack; please...now...please...oh yes!"

I normally gave Betsy two or three orgasms with my tongue and digits before penetration, but I wanted to give Alicia what she wanted so I shinnied up, slowly penetrated her, and started gently sawing in and out. She let out another series of squeals and some groans as I buried myself in her snug pussy. It didn't take long before I discharged a massive load into her willing pussy and she sighed in pleasure.

My discharge into Alicia was different than any other sexual experience I had had in my life. It wasn't nearly as physically draining as usual, but the emotional component was off the charts. I'm not exactly sure what it was -- but a feeling of contentment came over me the like of which I had never experienced before. Even though it still probably wasn't even one p. m. I zoned out -- right after Alicia whispered into my ear "Betsy is a fool!"

Over the next week Alicia and I made love every day -- it was actually making love, not fucking. During that time I was able to determine why Charles sought out Betsy when he was married to Alicia. Betsy is cute and vivacious; Alicia is beautiful and sultry, and by appearance alone 95 out 100 men would chose Alicia.

The differences between Betsy and Alicia in sex were dramatic. Betsy is energetic, multi-orgasmic, and physical. Sex to her is fucking and sucking, and an athletic endeavor, trying to flip off the bed. In stark contrast Alicia is loving and emotional. She isn't multi-orgasmic and doesn't orgasm from penile penetration, although she enjoys it immensely. She doesn't fight -- she surrenders -- and her entire being and aura, more than her words, project a feeling hard to describe; maybe the most appropriate words are "appreciation" and "gratification."

While I enjoyed fucking Betsy after being with Alicia I realized that Betsy and I never really connected emotionally. With Alicia her comment when we exited the shower turned out to be true, not drama; when we had sex we joined life forces. I've never been as satisfied in my life as when I make love to Alicia; not even close.

Maybe Charles likes energetic, multi-orgasmic, and physical. Before sex with Alicia I didn't know what I was missing. I'd choose her over Betsy, or any other woman I had ever been with, 100 times out of 100, not just for the reasons set forth above but also because sucking on Alicia's tits was almost as satisfying as penile penetration. I never asked my mother, but she probably either never nursed me or didn't for very long and I was making up for it with Alicia.

It wasn't really surprising when after Alicia had lived with me for a week we came to a quick mutual agreement that maybe a month was better than a week especially since there were "problems" with the finishing touches in her new house. I was somewhat surprised that Alicia could live in a one bedroom and den apartment after many years in a mini-mansion, but it didn't seem to faze her at all.

One other difference between Betsy and Alicia became clear once she had lived with me for a month. When Betsy had her period she got nasty but continued to want to fuck, mostly in the shower or on a rubber sheet overlying our bedspread. Alicia became more loving -- almost clingy -- during her short menstrual period. Her pussy was off-limits but I could suck her tits -- or after some experimentation fuck them -- as much as I wanted to, and she loved to play with my foreskin and testicles. In this aspect I also greatly preferred Alicia.

After living with me for a month Alicia came clean; she had stopped work on her new house after a week with me, and wanted an entire year -- maybe two. I laughingly agreed, though I "punished" her for her duplicity by sucking her tits for an hour straight, and then fucking them. Her cheesy comment afterward -- "I need to find out from your mother why she never nursed you -- my poor nipples are wearing out."

Another thing about my relationship with Alicia; it wasn't volatile. There might have been some things that rubbed one or both of us the wrong way at times, but we never really argued, we never, ever raised our voices to each other, and we were logical in all discussions we had when planning activities.

Another thing that I liked about Alicia was that her friends and family were much more welcoming and friendly than Betsy's had been. I liked Betsy's mother and younger sister; I tolerated her father and her best friend; I despised the rest of her family and friends.

Alicia's mother and older brother and sister-in-law were some of the most gracious pleasant people I had ever met in my life (her father had died a year before I met Alicia). All of Alicia's friends -- all around her age -- were also fun to be around. Her nieces Lucinda and Grace who I had met the first time that I met Alicia, were gems. If I had been single I could easily have fallen in love with either of them. They are smart, practical, empathetic, fun, and beautiful -- almost as beautiful as Alicia. I also liked Grace's husband; the only outlier was Tim, Lucinda's husband. I never said anything to anyone but I wondered how in the fuck someone as awesome as Lucinda could fall for a jerk like Tim. In my view the only thing that he had going for him was that he was good-looking. In every other way I found him lacking.

I don't know how long my relationship with Alicia would have lasted except for three things: I wanted to have kids and Alicia couldn't have them; Alicia was worried that our seventeen year age difference was holding me back (I thought that she was in her late thirties when I was 28; actually she was 45, the best looking 45 year old imaginable); and the third thing was an incident in Alicia's family.

Alicia and I went to pick up Lucinda on a Saturday morning; they were going antiquing and I was going to a minor league baseball game in the same area, and we would be in contact by cellphone and arrange to leave as soon as one of us was done. Fortunately Tim passed on going to the game with me -- thank God, it would have been torture.

When we got to Lucinda's small house there was no answer at the front door. "I hear noises coming from the back," Alicia said. We both hurried to the back yard where Lucinda was lying on the ground crying -- with when I lifted her torso off the ground I saw that she was sporting a black eye and bloody nose. Just then Tim -- obviously drunk despite the time of day -- came out of their back door and yelled "What do you two assholes want; get out of here; I'm still teaching the bitch a lesson."

I'm honestly not sure what happened next. All I remember is seeing red and blood rushing through my body at ten times its normal speed. I regained awareness when I felt Alicia tugging on one of my arms as she kept repeating "It's over, Zack, he's unconscious." When I snapped out of it I realized that Tim was prone and I was on top of him and that his face was a pile of goo, and that both of my fists were covered in blood.

After Alicia got me off of Tim, Lucinda came over to me crying, and hugged me, while Alicia called 911 and asked for an ambulance and police.

Eventually apparently things were sorted out, although I was still in a daze. Lucinda told the police about Tim beating her and telling her that he was going into the house to get an axe handle to finish the job. Both Alicia and Lucinda gave statements to the police about what Tim said as he exited the house and that he had an axe handle in his right hand. There was an axe handle next to his body when the first cops arrived and took photos.

When the cops took my statement I honestly couldn't remember the details; they could tell that I was still in a daze and that my eyes weren't focusing normally. All I remembered was seeing Lucinda's bloody nose and black eye and Tim coming toward us with some ugly words -- and I couldn't even remember the ugly words -- and then everything was a blank until Alicia pulled me off of Tim.

Alicia and I found out during the interviews that Tim had had run-ins with law enforcement before, which for some reason Lucinda never told anyone about -- primarily because she was actually afraid of Tim despite acting love-dovey when with her family.

The bottom line was Tim was carried off to the hospital, still unconscious, and handcuffed to a gurney, Lucinda was treated by an EMT and told to go to the hospital or a medical care center to have her wounds looked at some more, and I wasn't charged with anything. In fact the senior cop in the backyard gave me a fist bump and whispered "Good job teeing up that asshole; you deserve a medal!"

Alicia drove my car, with me still somewhat shell-shocked riding in the back seat, and Lucinda in the front passenger's seat, talking to her father and sister on the phone. After everyone met up at the urgent care center and Lucinda was treated and had a patch on her eye, Grace lightened things up a bit when she quipped "You gonna act in the next Pirates of the Caribbean girl?"

Obviously the trip for antiquing and the baseball game were out. We all went to Phil's and Joyce's -- Phil being Alicia's brother and Lucinda's father, and Joyce being Alicia's sister-in-law and Lucinda's mother -- for lunch. Joyce and Grace both gave me big hugs with tears in their eyes -- Phil and Grace's husband were both slightly misty as they shook my hand. Alicia just whispered into my ear "Think of a fantasy since whatever it is I will make come true tonight."

************

Alicia begged me to tell her my fantasy that night. I finally broke down and told her. "I have to honestly preface it, though Alicia," I seriously said, holding her hands.

"OK, dude, preface away."

"My sexual relationship with you is so much better than all other sexual encounters I've had or even dreamt about that it's in a different solar system. However, to be honest when I first met you what ran through my primitive brain is 'I've love to tie this woman to my bed and fuck her brains out.' So, if you want to fulfill my fantasy you'll let me tie you to our bed, put a blindfold over your eyes, and do whatever I want to you for two hours, or until I wipe myself out."

Alicia got an evil look on her face. "Just like a man who thinks with his dick; here I thought you were more evolved and I come to find out that you're nothing but a caveman after all." Then she started removing her clothes while I looked for a blind fold and some scarves to tie her hands to the bed posts.

Normally I only get it up once a night; that is completely fulfilling in every way and there is no reason for more since Alicia isn't multi-orgasmic and I am so content after one bout of love making that I don't need anything else. However, that night in my mind I wasn't making love to a beautiful, cultured, empathetic, loving woman; I was fucking a nasty hot slut. It sure was different.

Although I liked my normal love-making with Alicia better I have to say that for a change of pace my fantasy couldn't have been more wonderful. Even though Alicia didn't orgasm the three times that I ejaculated into her cunt good sport that she is she put on a convincing act of having one, even screaming swear words (she never swears in normal life). The fact that I also fucked her tits, and thumbed her ass, added to the pleasure.

I was wiped out after two hours, so I released her. We showered together, changed not only the sheets but the mattress pad, and snuggled together. As we stared into each other's souls before we fell to sleep for the first time I said it out loud -- I said it to myself dozens of times -- I said "I love you Alicia."

Her eyes got misty and she choked out "I love you Zack -- with all my heart."

We kissed, and then fell into a deep slumber.

*************

As all of the above was proceeding, my divorce came through. I received a drunken crying call from Betsy the day the final decree was sent to both of us by email and regular mail. In her drunken stupor she kept apologizing. After listening for a couple of minutes without responding I said "Goodbye for good, Betsy," and hung up. My life with Alicia was so much better than it had been with Betsy that I had no angst or regret whatsoever.

Charles was fighting Alicia during their divorce proceedings so even after a year it hadn't been finalized. Alicia had become a rich woman in the meantime, even before it was finalized, since Charles was trying to placate her at every turn, while still trying to save the marriage, but she continued to live with -- and love -- me. Alicia's attorney told her that by the time that all the dust settled she would get at least 60% of their assets.

Even though Charles was a big wig at work, the details of his affair became known and he was told by the bigger wigs that he would never advance further in the Fortune 500 Company that he (and I) worked for. In the meantime I had gotten a promotion and a significant raise. Betsy quit once the divorce was final and moved out of town leaving no forwarding address.

To avoid going to prison for twenty five years for attempted murder after just a month in jail Tim pleaded guilty to domestic abuse and aggravated assault. He was given a term of not less than twelve, nor more than fifteen, years in prison. The family was happy with that -- and secretly took solace in the fact that he no longer was handsome since he couldn't afford a plastic surgeon to fix everything that was wrong with his face after I got through with him.

****************

Two months after the Tim-Lucinda incident, and after Alicia had lived with me for a couple of weeks more than a year, Alicia started having serious talks with me about our relationship. "Our love for each other is not enough," she would always say. "I'm selfish if I stay with you; you want, and need, to have kids and I can't give them to you, and once I'm 70 and your only 53 our bodies will be in different stages."

"But it's so hard to give you up," I'd counter. "You're the most phenomenal woman on the planet."

We never seemed to progress in our verbal battles; but our love life remained just as awesome.

After the Tim incident, we started including Lucinda more in our lives. She immediately sold her house and ostensibly moved in with her parents for the short term, but stayed with us more often than with her parents so that we gave her a key and got her a sleeper couch (and a pair of headphones -- ha, ha).

I really enjoyed Lucinda's company; she was funny, smart, and out-there. Sometimes we had a brother-sister relationship (she is a year younger than I am) where we would mercilessly tease each other, and I joked (only partially) that I would have to approve any guy she dated since I didn't want to put another Tim in the hospital. In fact, she never dated but loved to go with Alicia and me on all types of outings whether hikes in nature, line dancing at the C&W Barn, to play pickleball, or to spectate at sporting events. Other times Lucinda and I would flirt like sophomores in High School much to Alicia's pleasure.

After Alicia had lived with me for about fifteen months, her divorce decree finally came through. We had a blowout party, inviting all of our friends and families. She was her same self until about ten days after the party -- then a melancholy enveloped her. I tried to get her to talk to me about it, but she refused. On a Thursday night during this time when we made love, for the first time in our relationship she seemed desperate, and although she tried to hide it from me quietly sobbed when she thought that I was asleep. Even more unusual she woke me up at 3 a. m. and insisted on another bout of loving intercourse.

When I got home from work the Friday after our unusual lovemaking on Thursday there was no sign of Alicia or her personal possessions in my apartment. There was, however, a handwritten note on the kitchen table.

"My dearest love Zachary:" was the salutation -- she had never called me Zachary before as far as I could remember.

"When you get this I will already be on a two month cruise. I have moved my belongings to a house I purchased in another city. Please don't be angry at what I have done; it is the most selfless act of love I have ever bestowed on anybody. You would have hung onto me, much to your detriment, for years denying yourself the love of your own children and family. I couldn't let that happen because -- as I know that you already know -- I love you with all of my heart.

Please don't try to contact me. I promise to come back for your wedding to Lucinda and become a doting great aunt to your kids.

Love, Alicia."

"What the fuck?" ran though my brain a million times in the next few minutes. While I knew in my id that someday this might happen, I still wasn't prepared for it. And what was this shit about Lucinda -- did Alicia just expect me to fall for Lucinda as a surrogate for her?

I don't know how long I would have stewed about this getting, more depressed by the minute, when the door opened and in walked Lucinda, key in hand.

Lucinda came right up to me, kissed me on the forehead, and said "Don't be sad Zack; you know that Alicia is doing what she knows is right for you, although you may never be able to replace her in your heart. However, Alicia assured me that you can't be sad with a pair of C cup tits in your face, so to make you at least temporarily forget your malaise you need this."

Then the bitch removed her top -- no bra -- and exposed her C cup tits. They weren't identical to Alicia's because they were East-West instead of tear drop, but my primitive brain overtook my modern one remembering the urban legend "East-West tits erotically slap together when doing doggy."

Before I knew it a pencil-eraser hard long nipple was sliding over my lips and a hand was reaching for my crotch. As I robotically started to suck my modern mind said "This is so wrong -- and fucked up," but unfortunately my primitive brain is obviously more powerful than my modern one, and took over.

My mind was just as muddled as when I beat the shit out of Tim, though in a much more pleasurable way, when I suddenly realized that I was naked in my bed with Lucinda's nude body beneath me and not realizing how I got there. Looking at naked Lucinda I commented to myself "What a fucking nice body; almost as nice as Alicia's," then found myself squeezing her tits while eating her pussy. Unlike Alicia this woman was multi-orgasmic -- or a great actor -- since she had two obvious orgasms right in a row as I ate her out and sucked her clit.

As Lucinda was in the throes of her second orgasm I suddenly realized that my cock hurt like a sonofabitch. It obviously was hungry for some pussy, so without further ado I purposefully entered the pussy I had just ravished. It was slow going for a while it was so tight, but I popped in and it felt like heaven. I didn't last long, but I didn't have to, since once I started squirting Lucinda came like her finger was stuck in an electrical socket, and uttered a scream intense enough to shatter crystal (fortunately it didn't). Then her body went limp and she gave herself completely to me. I played with her body some more until the type of contentment that I experienced after making love to Alicia came over me. I collapsed next to Lucinda and we snuggled. Just before we fell asleep she whispered into my ear "I forgot to mention; I'm fertile and not on birth control." For some reason that didn't give me any pause as I nodded off.

When my bedside alarm clock said it was an hour and eighteen minutes after I had last looked at it I felt activity at my crotch. Lucinda was sucking my cock with alacrity. Once it was to her liking she sidled up to me and moaned "Fuck your little Doberman you Rottweiler."

I just followed my cock to her honey pot while she was on her hands and knees. It looked so moist that I didn't think that it needed any stimulation, so I buried my cock in her sweet pussy -- this time in one thrust because it had expanded and lubricated since our first coupling. By God, the urban legend was right; in response to my pounding her East-West tits slapped together like I was receiving a standing ovation. That really encouraged me so I fucked harder and soon I was washing her vaginal walls with seminal fluid as she meekly cried then dissolved flat onto the mattress as a happy pile of protoplasm.

I essentially passed out not long after that, with a nipple in my mouth.

The next time I awoke it was an hour later and I was hungry for food, my carnal appetites having been well satisfied. I woke up sleeping beauty, we each put on one of my T-shirts, and we made dinner together. We didn't talk about the 800 pound gorilla in the room until I had finished eating and pushed away from the table and addressed Lucinda. "Do you think that just because Alicia essentially 'gave' you to me that I'm going to accept you?"

Lucinda crossed her arms and as she stared into my eyes asked "What makes you thing I want you?"

"You sure seemed to enjoy yourself the last few hours; and what's this shit about not being on birth control."

"I want a kid and you'll do as a sperm donor; it remains to be seen if I want you to father the kid and have unlimited access to my vagina -- you may not be suitable for that."

"You're a haughty little bitch, aren't you?"

"You'll have to do some more testing to be sure," she snarled.

I quickly stood up from the table, knocking my chair over, grabbed her as she tried to escape, slung her over my shoulder and started back toward my bedroom. As she pounded me on the back I ignored her strikes and cuss words, cleverly simultaneously pulled her T-shirt off as I threw her on my bed, and then stuck my again impossibly hard cock into her vagina as my mouth latched onto one nipple, my right hand on the other, and my left hand sought out her asshole.

***********

***********

Alicia was smiling in the audience seven months later as after the ceremony I lifted the very pregnant Lucinda into my arms, and following another kiss carried her out of the church to laughs and claps from the assembled throng.

So I got played; so what? I'm happier than a pig in shit with my wife who's a combination of Betsy and Alicia in the sack, and very much like Alicia out of it. Everybody's happy that Lucinda and I are in lust and love (except maybe Betsy, who still occasionally calls). My practice pick-up lines in that bar two years ago actually worked out better than I could even have hoped for.